Mental conversations with yourself become the script of your life

It has been a month since I graduated from Rutgers University and ever since that sunny afternoon of May 18th I have been vacillating between confidence and total lack there of. A few different thought patterns are seemingly competing for my attention and subsequent action.

This one is the most recurring: “What are you doing?  Where will you go from here? You should be actively crafting the life you want! You need to MAKE MOVES or else YOU’RE DEFINITELY GOING TO ROT.”

Another is “Hey you, take some time to chill, think, and search both your soul and the internet. You’re lucky that you have an opportunity to settle into something new rather than rush. Also, go to the beach. Take a little time for calm and contemplation.”

Another suggests: “Just go to yoga class and work on your vibrations so that you aren’t blocking any part of your human self”

Another says: “You’re ridiculous. Shut the hell up. You are what you do (waitressing… reading on the beach… going to bars…kissing boys…?) not what you say. (read above)

Screen Shot 2014-06-19 at 6.18.26 PM

My situation is not at all unique. In fact, it is so cliche that it makes me want to throw up. However, it’s my reality right now and I have enough self-awareness and perspective to be grateful it’s mine. In an effort to release these thoughts and give them less hold over me, I write.

Today, tomorrow, and the day after that I will gather up experiences, watch my thoughts and write them out. I will pay attention to the beauty of my life and the mild uncertainty of it. I will blog and document what happens here and hopefully someone will read my words and relate to them, because, despite the fact that I have no idea about the short term, my life’s goal and dream has always been to be a writer, and to extend my voice to others, to inspire, and to offer something beautiful.

 

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